Being Single Is Officially the New Fashion – and I Think It Rather Suits Me

There was a time when being single felt like something you were supposed to fix.

You’d come out of a relationship, spend the obligatory few weeks declaring that you were absolutely done with men, and then sooner or later someone would ask:

“So… are you seeing anyone?”

As though being single was merely the slightly awkward interval between one relationship and the next.

The older I get, the more I wonder whether we’ve been looking at it completely wrong.

Because being single can be bloody lovely.

And, dare I say it, it might even be good for you.

Suddenly, life feels a little lighter

Relationships can be wonderful. Being loved, having somebody to come home to, sharing experiences and having that person who knows exactly how you take your coffee all have their appeal.

But relationships can also be stressful.

There are two people’s feelings, needs, moods, families, schedules, finances, plans and expectations to navigate. Even relatively happy relationships require compromise.

And the wrong relationship can consume an astonishing amount of emotional energy.

Then sometimes you come out the other side and realise just how much you’d been carrying.

You start sleeping better. You’re laughing more. You want to go out again. You have more energy. Your friends start commenting that you seem more like yourself.

You might even look in the mirror one morning and think, Hang on… I look quite good.

Apparently the post-relationship glow-up isn’t just about changing your hair.

Sometimes it’s simply what happens when the stress leaves your face.

You stop being responsible for somebody else’s happiness

This might be one of my favourite things about being single.

Of course we should care about the people we love. But there’s a big difference between caring about someone’s happiness and gradually feeling responsible for it.

When you’re single, there’s no analysing a slightly strange text message for three hours.

No walking into the house and immediately detecting that something is wrong.

No asking “Are you okay?” only to receive the dreaded “I’m fine.”

No trying to work out whether you’ve done something.

No absorbing somebody else’s bad mood until somehow you’re now in a bad mood too.

Your emotional world becomes much quieter.

Their happiness is their responsibility.

Yours is yours.

And there is something so peaceful about that.

You can do exactly what you want

Want to book a spontaneous weekend away?

Go.

Want to spend Saturday wandering around shops, drinking coffee and buying things you absolutely do not need?

Enjoy.

Want to stay in your pyjamas until 4pm watching rubbish television?

Nobody is judging you.

Want to go for cocktails with your friends and stay out far later than intended?

Have another one.

There is no checking calendars, negotiating plans or explaining why you’d rather spend Sunday afternoon doing absolutely nothing.

Your time belongs to you.

And once you’ve had that freedom for a while, you realise how luxurious it is.

Your money is yours too

This one doesn’t get talked about enough.

Obviously being single means shouldering household expenses yourself, so I’m certainly not claiming singledom automatically makes you richer.

But the money you do have is yours to make decisions about.

If you want to save it, save it.

If you want to travel, travel.

If you want to spend an unreasonable amount on a handbag, facial, pair of shoes, ridiculously overpriced cocktail or something else that makes absolutely no financial sense but brings you joy… well.

I’m certainly not going to tell you.

You get to decide what matters to you without somebody else questioning your priorities.

There is freedom in that too.

You stop worrying quite so much about what somebody else thinks

Relationships can make us surprisingly self-conscious.

Does he like this outfit?

Am I being too much?

Am I being too independent?

Should I text?

Shouldn’t I text?

Why hasn’t he texted?

Does he mind me going out?

Does he think I spend too much?

Was I too quiet?

Was I too loud?

Being single gives you space to hear your own opinions again.

Do you like the outfit?

Do you want to go?

Does this make you happy?

It sounds ridiculously simple, but sometimes we spend so much time considering another person’s preferences that we gradually lose touch with our own.

Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely

Of course there are lonely moments.

I’m not going to pretend every single woman spends her evenings dancing around a beautifully decorated apartment in silk pyjamas drinking prosecco without a care in the world.

Sometimes you want somebody there.

You want affection. Companionship. Sex. Someone to tell about your day. Someone to travel with. Someone whose name appearing on your phone makes you smile.

Wanting those things doesn’t mean you’re failing at being single.

You can want love while still enjoying the life you have without it.

That’s the bit I think we sometimes miss.

Being happily single doesn’t mean becoming anti-relationship.

It means a relationship becomes something you want, rather than something you need to prove that your life is complete.

And that changes everything.

The bar gets higher — in a good way

Once you’ve built a life you genuinely enjoy, the question changes.

Instead of:

“Does he want me?”

it becomes:

“Do I actually want him in this life I’ve created?”

That’s quite a shift.

Because now someone isn’t competing with loneliness.

They’re competing with your peace.

Your freedom.

Your spontaneous weekends.

Your friendships.

Your Sunday mornings.

Your entire bed.

And frankly, that’s stiff competition.

It doesn’t mean expecting perfection. It simply means somebody needs to add something worthwhile to your life rather than creating stress you’re perfectly capable of living without.

Maybe singledom deserves a rebrand

I think we need to stop treating single women as though they’re permanently awaiting collection.

You’re not unfinished.

You’re not between lives.

And you certainly don’t need to spend this chapter frantically searching for whoever is supposed to appear in the next one.

Go places.

Meet people.

Flirt.

Travel.

Make friends.

Dress up.

Stay home.

Take yourself to lunch.

Change your mind.

Buy the shoes.

Build something.

Have adventures.

Make your life so full of things you love that a relationship becomes the cherry on top rather than the entire dessert.

And if somebody wonderful eventually wanders into it?

Lovely.

But until then, enjoy the freedom.

Enjoy the peace.

Enjoy discovering exactly who you are when nobody else’s expectations are taking up space in your head.

Seriously, if you’ve never tried being properly, unapologetically single for a while, I highly recommend it.

Being single is officially the new fashion.

And I think it rather suits me. ❤️

The Tease x

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